Communication

Galentine, Valentine, Selfentine?

By Tereasa Jones | Published February 11, 2018

Do you cringe when you think about Valentine’s Day? It’s okay. Many, even in healthy relationships, don’t love the pressure the holiday can bring. Roses, fancy dinner, romantic card? For singles, the day can be a reminder that they haven’t found a match or renews pain over a recent break-up.

While Valentine’s Day likely hailed from a drunken fertility feast called Lupercalia in ancient Rome, it became much sweeter over time and morphed into what it is today thanks to Hallmark back in 1913 in their effort to get lovebirds to buy their cards instead of the traditional homemade cards that had been around since the Middle Ages. With the commercialization of Valentine’s Day, it seems every industry tries to capitalize on it, making the holiday sales top around $18 billion this year. Yes, that’s with a “b”.

Then there’s Galentine’s Day, which started based on the character Leslie Knope from Parks and Rec back in 2010 celebrating female friendship on Feb. 13th. Brands were quick to jump on this unofficial holiday as well. As a friendship coach, I love the idea of honoring your friends this week. Research shows that those with close friendships are happier and even live longer!

And yet…what if you are an introvert or you just don’t really want to celebrate by going out or having a bunch of people in? My brilliant, lovely daughter, Jessica, who shares a lot of my introvertedness (new word!) gave me this idea about celebrating “Selfentine’s Day.” Those who are single celebrate “Single Awareness Day”(SAD, which isn’t an uplifting acronym, is it?) in lieu of Valentine’s and use the day as a treat yourself day, which is great, but the nice thing is you don’t have to be single to celebrate Selfentine’s Day! It’s a day to empower yourself to gift and give yourself the kind of day you would like, putting no pressure on a mate if you have one, or girlfriends – just you!

It might look like one of my favorite topics; extreme self-care. We each have our own preferences but here are some ideas to get you started.

Start this special day with treating yourself to a massage. Make it a good one, maybe splurge on a spa day. You could add a facial, get your nails done, spend some time in the sauna or ice room. Whatever you enjoy! (Even better you don’t have to make the day fall on Valentine’s Day – schedule it for Saturday or Sunday to give yourself more free time!)
Prepare your favorite dinner and set the table complete with candles and fancy dishes. Add soft music in the background and you have yourself a very nurturing environment for your Selfentine’s dinner. Take your time eating. Savor every bite.
Read a book for pleasure. Put away all those books and articles you’ve saved up for work, they are for another time. Find a nice comfy place to sit, with your favorite throw or blanket nearby, maybe a cup of tea or your favorite beverage, and indulge! Let yourself be swept away in the story you are reading – phone in another room so as not to get distracted.
Find a movie on Netflix or your favorite channel – guilty pleasure viewing. Put on your comfy PJs, stock your coffee table with Godiva and wine or buttery popcorn. Don’t hold back.
If the weather is cold where you live, build a fire in your fireplace, put some music on, and have a dance party in your living room! Crank. It. Up.
If the weather is warm where you live, go on a nature walk, breathe in the fresh air. Notice the wildlife and the landscape. Allow yourself to feel, really feel the appreciation for all that you are and all that you have.

As a life coach, the place that I begin is with YOU, the individual. Your dreams. Your personality. Your passions. It’s up to you! You can opt out of a holiday or even celebrate all three – Galentine’s, Valentine’s and Selftine’s. I’d love to see you share your activities with a fun post on Instagram with the hashtags #loveyourselfie and #selfentine. Remember to tag @coachedliving so I’ll find it easily. I’ll pick a winner on Feb. 15th to win a $10 Starbucks gift card.

They all begin in the same place – loving yourself first. No matter which one you are celebrating, be sure to make it special. If you’d like to learn more about working with a life coach to navigate the journeys through love (all sorts), friendship and careers, contact me to find out more about one-on-one coaching and group coaching.

Happy LOVE Week!

Also posted in Couples, Friends, Life Coaching, Relationships, Singles | Tagged introvert, selfentine, selfie, single awareness day, treat yourself, valentines day | Leave a comment

How to Improve Task Initiation

By Tereasa Jones | Published July 6, 2017

How-to-Improve-Task-Initiation

Possibly the most crucial step in getting things done is the simple act of getting started. This can be particularly challenging for people with ADHD because ADHD impairs the executive function necessary for task initiation. If you’re finding that you just can’t get started on your To-Do list, here are some tips to improve task initiation.

Prioritize
A long To-Do list can be overwhelming and that feeling can often discourage people from getting started. If you’re faced with a long list of tasks, first decide which ones need to be given priority. Next, choose which tasks to move to a later date or remove from your list altogether. Try breaking down your To-Do list into daily, weekly, and monthly priorities so you don’t get overwhelmed by too many tasks at once. When you have a more manageable task list, you’ll find it easier to get started.

Find Motivation
Often we forget why we are doing certain things. Find the motivation to get started on your tasks by reminding yourself of the benefits and positive outcomes of finishing the job. By focusing on the potential rewards of completing a task, you’ll find you have more motivation to get started.

Build A Support System
Building a support system can help promote task initiation. A support system can include having a trusting colleague or friend help keep you accountable, but it also includes optimizing your health so your body can better support your brain. Factors such as lack of sleep, poor nutrition, and lack of exercise can impair executive functioning even further and make it that much harder to get started on your work.

Challenge Yourself
Goal-setting and positive reinforcement can help motivate you to start crossing tasks off your list. Set a timer and challenge yourself to work for a designated period of time with lots of short mini-breaks worked in. If you meet that challenge, reward yourself for a job well done!

Often the anticipation of a task is much harder than the task itself. By using these tips, I hope you can find ways to help yourself overcome the hurdle of getting started. Once you do, you’ll find yourself getting things done in no time!

If you’d like additional help with task initiation, contact me today to discuss a personal coaching plan.

Also posted in ADD/ADHD, Coaching, Decision management, Time management | Tagged ADHD, Executive function, Goal setting, organization, Task initiation, Time management | Leave a comment

Mental Flexibility

By Tereasa Jones | Published June 28, 2017

What is mental flexibility?
Mental flexibility is the ability to adapt one’s behavior quickly in order to handle different situations in different ways. This is particularly important when faced with new, complex, or problematic situations. One of the side effects of living with ADHD is that you lack mental flexibility. This is why people with ADHD find it difficult to jump from task to task. Many of them find it difficult to shift their way of thinking quickly in order to accomplish a new task or develop a new skill.

How to manage poor mental flexibility
Because people with ADHD lack mental flexibility, many of them find it helpful to structure their workdays so that they can focus on one task at a time. Allow a set block of time for one specific task and focus only on that one project. Although it may feel challenging for a person with ADHD to work within this type of structured schedule, it is actually more beneficial to allow yourself to focus on a single task at a time. When working on one project within a single block of time, take frequent mini-breaks to rest your brain and reset your focus. Managing poor mental flexibility is another advantage of single-tasking, which we talked about in our last blog post.

How to deal with fear of structure
If you’re reading this and struggle with your own mental flexibility or suffer from ADHD, you may be intimidated or overwhelmed by the thought of setting aside a block of time dedicated to one task. This is likely because many people with ADHD resist structure due to a fear that they won’t be in the right mindset when the scheduled time to focus on a particular task arrives. If that is the case, try substituting one task for another. As long as you pick one task to focus on at a time and take frequent mini-breaks, you’ll avoid the pitfalls of trying to jump from project to project. The important thing to remember is that you can always trade time, but you can’t recover it when it’s lost.

Ready to take control of your mental flexibility, my free checklist can help!

I hope you find this information helpful. Watch for my group on planning that I will be rolling out sometime this summer. NEED HELP? Set up a complimentary strategy session so we can talk about it HERE.

Also posted in ADD/ADHD, Coaching, Decision management, Decision Management, Life Coaching, Uncategorized | Tagged ADHD, concentration, mental flexibility, self-care, single-tasking | Leave a comment

How Mindfulness Can Improve Your Focus

By Tereasa Jones | Published June 23, 2017

In a fast-paced world with countless distractions and demands on our focus, mindfulness and meditation have gained popularity. The most basic principles of mindfulness are about living consciously and paying close attention to the present moment. Because mindfulness requires a special level of attention, it may seem challenging for a person with ADHD to practice this form of meditation. However, research has shown that mindfulness, when adapted for ADHD, can improve focus and concentration.

#1: Single-Tasking

With the demands of modern living, multitasking has become the norm for many people. Unfortunately, multitasking often does more harm than good, resulting in memory problems, excess stress, and increased distractibility. Practicing mindfulness demands single-tasking and asks practitioners to focus on one task at a time. Slowing down and eliminating multitasking can increase your focus and your productivity.

#2: Stress Reduction

Stress often escalates when people get overwhelmed by present demands and future fears. Mindfulness asks that your attention remain in the present moment. Instead of worrying about the future, mindfulness brings your attention back to the present and allows you to focus on what’s in front of you. Mindfulness will help you redirect your thoughts away from future worries and anxieties so you can focus on the present. In addition, the improved focus you’ll get from single-tasking will help prevent you from getting overwhelmed and stressed by everything coming at you all at once.

#3: Improve Concentration

Other research has shown that mindfulness can help rewire your brain and create new neurological pathways. It has also been shown to increase grey matter in the brain, and that extra density can improve one’s overall psychological well-being. By rewiring your brain and creating new pathways through mindfulness and meditation, you’re helping yourself find new ways to cope with stress and handle tasks. This all means that you’ll be better equipped to deal with distractions, resulting in improved concentration.

At first, mindfulness may seem challenging. In fact, many new practitioners struggle with feeling that mindfulness has made them more distracted. This feeling is normal because mindfulness will initially draw attention to your propensity for distraction. Noticing your distractions is the first step in the process. With time, you’ll learn to recognize them and let them go so you can focus on the task at hand.

I hope you find these tips helpful. Watch for my group on planning that I will be rolling out sometime this summer.

NEED HELP? Set up a complimentary strategy session so we can talk about it HERE.

Also posted in ADD/ADHD, Boomers, Coaching, Cognitive Distortions, Couples, Decision management, Decision Management, Friends, Life Coaching, Procrastination, Relationships, Relationships, Singles, Time management | Tagged ADHD, concentration, energy management, mindfulness, self-care, stress reduction | Leave a comment

Are You Ready To Take Control of Your Schedule? It’s Easier Than You Think!

By Tereasa Jones | Published June 6, 2017

Few things upset our lives more than a failure to plan. The Executive Functioning area of the brain is the part responsible for planning, so when there are challenges in this area, planning just doesn’t happen. A misfiring Executive Functioning area can hit people differently and affect the way they interact with the world. For example; people with ADHD have a different relationship with time than those without ADHD. I’ve heard my clients say there are only two times: there is “now”, and there is “never”. This means that if someone with ADHD doesn’t do something immediately, it will never get done.

Even though there can be lot of chaos in life for people who fail to plan, there are a few upsides as well. One is thrill of immediate gratification and being flexible enough to do whatever interests them at the time. Many of my clients in the past have avoided planning altogether for fear that they would “put themselves in a box” and then life would just not be pleasant and spontaneous. The ones who have embraced planning, however, have found the opposite to be true. If you plan out your time in advance, you will be more efficient. If you are more efficient, you will have more time to play. True, some of the spontaneity is taken out of your life, but there will also be the relief you feel knowing the essentials of your day are taken care of.

In response to clients’ avoidance of planning, for fear they would be trapped or “in a box”, I developed a bit of a mantra. It goes like this: You can trade time, but you can’t steal it. This means that if you have a time set aside for one thing but you want to do another, you have to look at your schedule and decide what you are going to trade for that time. If I have blocked off time for writing, and I’m not feeling creative at the time, I can’t just blow it off. I have to find another block of time to move it to. Sometimes that block of time will end up being my free time. That really stinks, but I have to make a decision to either take my free time now and write later, or write now so that I can take my free time later. It really is pretty simple. I do, however, have to be honest here. I occasionally steal my time. Yep, I’ll admit to it. You will too. You don’t have to be 100% perfect on this. But if you aren’t at least 90%, your life will start to spin out of control.

After accepting that there is merit in planning ahead, the next step is to decide how to do it. I recommend weekly planning at the same time each week, with daily planning in order to fulfill your weekly commitments. Here are a few tips to get you started:

Decide on your planning tools. There are many out there and people have their own preferences. Personally, I use a digital calendar and a paper planner. Most people don’t differentiate between calendars and planners, but there is a definite difference. I’ll say more about that in a future post.
Know the difference between a “to do” item and a project. A “to do” item is usually simple and can be accomplished without multiple steps. A project will have many steps (or multiple “to do” items) in order to complete it.
Plan at the same time every week, and then adjust your plan every day.
Consider weekly planning on either Sunday or Monday morning to get your week started right.
Daily planning can be done either the night before or in the morning. I prefer the night before so that I don’t waste any time in the mornings. It also helps me get up and around because I already know what I am doing that day.
Block off spaces of time for each of the things you plan to accomplish. Be realistic and remember that people with ADHD tend to see time differently than others. Be sure and add extra time to your estimate to account for this tendency.
Find yourself an accountability partner. This could be a friend or a coach. I wouldn’t normally recommend a family member. Too often when a family member fills this role, it is seen as nagging, whereas with a friend or a coach, it is seen as reminding.
The last step is your daily review. Review at the end of your day how well your plan went. Note what went right and what went wrong. Make adjustments in your style accordingly.

I hope these tips help you. Watch for my group on planning that I will be rolling out sometime this summer. Planning is a skill. Skills take time and practice. If you are 10% better next week than this week, give yourself a huge pat on the back. It’s a process.

NEED HELP? Set up a complimentary strategy session so we can talk about it HERE.

Also posted in ADD/ADHD, Boomers, Coaching, Cognitive Distortions, Couples, Decision management, Friends, Life Coaching | Tagged ADHD, avoidance, coaching, daily planning, executive functioning, life, paper planner, planning, planning tools, Relationships, spontaneity, weekly planning | Leave a comment

Executive Functioning and Problem Solving

By Tereasa Jones | Published June 2, 2017

There is no such thing as a problem-free life. I wish there was, but there just isn’t! That’s the first truth that we have to accept. When we are faced with a problem, we could always try to avoid it. But avoidance is actually counterproductive. The more we avoid the problem, the bigger it gets. We could try to give it to someone else, but that doesn’t usually work either. Why? Because it isn’t their problem, and the solution they come up with is their own, not ours. We could just make a quick decision and call it done. How many times I have done this, only to regret it later. So… what’s the solution to the problem of having problems?

Before we talk about solutions, let’s talk about why it can be difficult for those with ADHD to process them. The Executive Functioning center of the brain is where problem solving takes place. It is also an area of the brain that people with ADHD have difficulties with. After we acknowledge that the Executive Functioning center of the brain isn’t going to help very much, we can develop strategies to make sure that a person with ADHD doesn’t become so overwhelmed with solving their problems that they just give up trying.

Here are some of the roadblocks that I personally have when dealing with problems. Maybe you will see yourself in some of them:

#1: I haven’t clearly defined the problem. (I need to look under the hood)
#2: It seems like it will take too much time. (I stink at estimating time)
#3: There are too many possibilities or choices. (That overwhelming feeling is waiting in the shadows)
#4: Fear of making the wrong choice. (Consequences!? I’m not sure what they are yet, but I don’t want to have to pay them)

I could make the list longer, but I think you get the gist.

Let’s take a look at Roadblock #1: I haven’t clearly defined the problem.
If we aren’t careful, we could work and work to solve a problem that isn’t really a problem at all. Here is an example: One of my clients wanted to work on getting along better with her boss. She said the lines of communication between them was poor. We worked and worked on this problem, but made no headway. Finally, I asked her if she was sure that this was the right problem to be working on. She initially said that it was, but upon further discussion, it turned out that the real problem was that she didn’t want to work there at all. She really wanted to pursue her dream to become an interior designer. We were able to change course after correctly identifying the “real” problem and have worked out a plan for her to return to school (while still being employed) to get her credentials. Of course there are many more challenges she will need to overcome, but I have faith that she will be able to address them now that she has clearly defined the problem.

On to Roadblock #2: It seems like it will take too much time.
Being realistic about time is another issues that people with ADHD have. After clearly defining the problem, one of my favorite strategies to deal with this roadblock is to “chunk it down”. All this really means is that you list the steps that need to be taken. After listing all of the steps, you may have 5-10 more manageable “to-do” items on your list. Now you can get a grasp on how much time you think each one of the steps will take. Write down that number… and then double it. Yes, I said DOUBLE it. Knowing that correctly estimating times is a challenge, we should give ourselves a cushion. I can almost hear you now saying “But what if I finish before the time is up and have nothing left to do? I will be bored!” First, boredom won’t kill you, and secondly, always have something on hand that you can do should you find yourself with some extra time on your hands.

How about Roadblock #3: Too many choices or possibilities.
The biggest problem with this roadblock is that it often leads to either procrastination or paralysis. Either way, the decision isn’t being made. When you are confronted with a situation where you have many possible choices, it might be difficult to choose among them, even when the stakes are low and most of the choices would turn out fine. So, narrow your focus. Pick 3 or 4 of the possible choices and look at their pros and cons. Eliminate each choice one at a time until you only have one left. That’s the one! That is your choice. See, that isn’t so hard. I know, easy to say when you aren’t the one standing in the cracker aisle trying to make a decision about the right cracker for the occasion. Really, your guests probably won’t even notice!

Finally, there is Roadblock #4: Fear of making the wrong choice.
This is a first cousin of Roadblock #3, too many choices. Ask yourself “What’s the worst thing that could happen if I make the wrong choice?” Usually the worst thing isn’t really all that bad. This is really based on a limiting belief that there is a “right” choice and a “wrong choice”, and you must choose the “right” one. Develop something you can say to yourself (a mantra) when this limiting belief threatens to derail you. An example might be. “There is no “right” or “wrong” choice, any choice I make will work just fine”. Find a mantra that resonates with you and work on it. But keep it short. Our subconscious loves it when we give it too much information. Gives it more to argue about!

Give these suggestions a try and see if they work for you.

If you would like some help with these, please contact me to set up a complimentary strategy session and we will see if working with me might help you!

Also posted in ADD/ADHD, Coaching, Decision management, Decision Management, Life Coaching, Procrastination, Relationships, Time management | Tagged declutter, life, mental clutter, organization, problem solving, reclaim your freedom, streamline your life, Time management | Leave a comment

Executive Functioning – The Root of the Problem for Those with ADHD

By Tereasa Jones | Published May 24, 2017

Executive functioning is the decision-making center of the brain. It’s the part of our brains that helps us do just about everything that we do, except for autonomic functions. We don’t need to think about breathing, for example, it just pretty much happens. We don’t think about our eyes blinking as they, for the most part, just open and shut rapidly on their own. However, we do need to think about what time we need to get to work on time, or plan family vacations, or finish our homework, or get our expense reports in at work. These are functions and decisions that will have a consequence attached if they don’t get done. Some people call our executive functioning center the “CEO” of the brain. This is a pretty good visual for all of the things that executive functioning is responsible for.

These kinds of decisions are also the ones that are the most difficult for a person with ADHD. Why? Because the ADHD brain lacks the stimuli to get its thoughts organized properly, or to even remember that it has to consciously think about certain things. The CEO isn’t doing their job!

For people with ADHD, planning, problem solving, attention, working memory, verbal reasoning, inhibition, multi-tasking, mental flexibility, initiation, task self-monitoring, emotional regulation, sustaining focus, and sustaining effort are functions that are not working properly. Wow, as I read what I just typed, I thought, “What a bleak picture that paints of people with ADHD.” Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my ADHD clients! Let me tell you that people with ADHD are some of the most creative, fun-loving, sensitive, caring people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. But the reason they are my clients is because their Executive Functioning Center needs some tweaking!

Over the next few weeks, I’m going to focus on Executive Functioning. Without a good understanding of how it impacts the ADHD brain, it is difficult to understand what’s actually going on and how to develop systems, strategies, and routines to take care of those things that don’t come so easily to people with ADHD.

Some things to remember as you go through this series are:

Not everyone is the same. There is a wide spectrum of differences and abilities in the Executive Functioning of all people, and this is certainly true for people with ADHD as well.
When I work with people with ADHD, the first thing I do is look for their strengths. It is so much easier to use strengths to develop plans rather than solely focusing on challenges.
We all have challenges. All of us! People with ADHD have some challenges that are pretty predictable given their diagnosis, but that doesn’t make them less able to perform.
Through the development of systems, strategies, routines, and self-compassion, people with ADHD can be productive and on top of their lives. It just takes some strategizing.

If you or someone you care about has ADHD, you are not going to want to miss out on this series. First comes understanding, then comes action. Without understanding, it’s hard to know what to do next. That is the reason coaching is an irreplaceable part of the treatment plan for people with ADHD.

Please comment and let me know what you would like to know about Executive Functioning. I’ll be sure and include those thoughts in the series. And if you need a coach, or you think you might benefit from coaching, please contact me to see if working with me might help. You can grab a copy of my new e-book “Living Life Intentionally with ADHD, Open the Door to Your Potential” here. I hope you find it helpful!

Also posted in ADD/ADHD, Coaching, Decision management, Decision Management | Tagged declutter, life, mental clutter, organization, reclaim your freedom, streamline your life, Time management | Leave a comment

Streamline your Life, Reclaim your Freedom!

By Tereasa Jones | Published March 17, 2017

When you first walk in the door to your home after a hard day at work, how do you feel? Do you sigh with pleasure because you’re finally in your safe spot, or do you just want to run away because your home is a stressful mess? Have you ever wanted to invite friends over, but didn’t because of the state of your place? Have you ever been late because you couldn’t find your keys, your coat, your gloves in the mess? Are you forced to grab food on the run because you didn’t have time to prepare a nutritious meal? Is your clutter and lack of organization stealing your peace? Do you just want some FREEDOM and REST? Sounds like you need to streamline your life!

When I first asked what having a streamlined life meant to my clients, I got back answers ranging from “experiencing peace” to “having time for family, friends, hobbies, and relaxation”. All of that sounds good to me! But the question is, how do we reach that place of peace and freedom?

Join me the next several weeks as we explore how you can move from a stressed out, worn out You to a newly energized, rested, and peaceful You. Over just a few weeks, you can find the freedom you have been looking for and take control of your life. Before we get started, let’s take a look at some of the things that might get in your way. And at the end of this article, there is a mental clutter checklist that you can download to get started!

Creating the right mindset is critical to your success

Today, let’s just talk about what you can do to prepare your mind for the transition into a streamlined life. All the good intentions in the world won’t help if you aren’t mentally and emotionally ready. Behavior follows attitude, actions are behaviors. This means that if your attitude isn’t right, the behavior and actions that follow won’t get you where you want to be. What can you do to give yourself the best chance for success? Here are a few questions that will help you assess where you are on the idea of streamlining your life:

Why do you want to streamline your life?
What benefit will it provide for you?
What will your life look like when it is streamlined?
What does your life look like right now?
Is this the right time to do this? If not, when?
Do you have any concerns about the process? What are they?

Take some time and answer these questions for yourself. The time might be now, or the time might be a month from now. You’ve continued reading this so far, so my guess is that the appeal of streamlined life is on your mind. Well then, let’s go on this journey together! Watch your inbox for my next post and don’t forget to download the mental clutter checklist below:

I’d love to hear about some of the things you do to streamline your life. We learn by sharing with each other, so comment below and let’s start streamlining together. You can grab a copy of my new e-book “Living Life Intentionally with ADHD, Open the Door to Your Potential” here. I hope you find it helpful!

Also posted in ADD/ADHD, Coaching, Decision management, Decision Management, Life Coaching | Tagged ADHD, freedom, life, planning, reclaim your freedom, Relationships, self-care, streamline your life | Leave a comment

You’re In Control: Telling People About Your ADHD

By Tereasa Jones | Published November 7, 2016

telling about ADHD

Knowing that something is wrong but not having an explanation for it can make you feel like you’re making excuses for yourself or imagining things. In fact, that’s probably what you’ve been told for most of your life. When you finally get a diagnosis of ADHD, perhaps you feel relieved. You can finally put a name to this thing that has caused you so many problems. It may be tempting to dash out and tell friends and relatives that you finally realize why you start projects but don’t finish them, can’t find things, are almost never on time, or why you collect clutter like other people collect coins. But, you might want to take a little time to sit with your new diagnosis before you rush out to tell everyone about it.

Not everyone understands ADHD. There’s a lot of misinformation out there, so it’s probably a good idea to take some time to think about who you want to tell and how to go about it. Even though we’ve come a long way in our understanding of the executive functioning of the brain, there are plenty of myths about ADHD still floating around. Unfortunately, there are still people who think ADHD is a convenient excuse for behaving irresponsibly, which is ridiculous, but it’s still a view shared by many people.

Your family members definitely need to know about your diagnosis, but you first need to prepare to answer questions and provide websites, titles of books and other resources to help them understand how ADHD affects you and why. The best way for you to prepare for this conversation is to educate yourself, and there are many resources available. I recommend going onto www.additudemag.com to start your educational journey. There are numerous articles and blogs that will be helpful to you, and as an added bonus, it is totally free!

After educating yourself, organize your thoughts and ask yourself what you hope to gain by telling people of your diagnosis. Most likely, you want people to know that you are not lazy, crazy, irresponsible, or stupid. This is a perfectly good reason to want to tell the people you care about, but what do you hope will change? How do you hope they will react? What do you want from them? These are all important questions to ask yourself. You might decide to tell only your immediate family, or you might even try it out on your best friend first. You will know what the best course of action is if you sit with it awhile, journal in hand, and ask yourself the above questions.

After you’ve gained some knowledge about how ADHD affects you, you will be in a good position to advocate for yourself in the workplace. Exercise caution, however, when talking to your boss or co-workers. Be ready for negative feedback. You might even decide not to tell them of your diagnosis, but rather to ask for the things you need. You might need to be away from distractions. Instead of telling your boss that you want a different place to work because you have ADHD, you might just say that the nearby distractions are bothersome to you and you think you could do a much better job if you were moved elsewhere. There is nothing wrong with telling your boss about your diagnosis, but you don’t have to. This is your diagnosis and you can tell, or not tell, whoever you want. It’s entirely up to you!

THINGS TO REMEMBER:

You have plenty of time to tell people about your diagnosis, so take your time.
There is no hurry. Go at your own pace.
Educate yourself. Be armed with resources before you talk to them.
Choose wisely. Not everybody needs to know, and you get to decide who to tell.
ADHD is a lifelong disorder. You will develop strategies to deal with it.
Hire a coach. ADHD coaches are trained extensively and can be one of your best resources. Your coach will be able to help you work through all the implications of your diagnosis, helping you develop systems and strategies to make your life a lot easier.

Just so you know, I happen to think that my ADHD clients are fantastic. They are smart, they are funny, they are entertaining, and they are sensitive. They are some of the most caring, gentle souls I have ever met. I chose to be an ADHD coach for these reasons. Please contact me if you would like a free strategy session.

Also posted in ADD/ADHD, Coaching, Relationships | Tagged ADHD, communication, Relationships | Leave a comment

Five Tips to Improve Your Relationships

By Tereasa Jones | Published March 10, 2014

group on the porch

With or without ADHD people need help with relationships. But those with ADHD need a little “extra” help. The tips below have come from working with people with ADHD for many years. I think they will help you too!

Educate yourself. Know how ADHD shows up for you. This allows you to develop strategies to minimize the impact of ADHD on your relationship.
Get help. Help can be in the form of medication, counseling, coaching or nutritional changes. Most likely it will be a combination of two or more of these. Without help it is nearly impossible to develop strategies to flourish in relationships.

Take responsibility. Don’t play the blame game. Take responsibility for your decisions, your actions, your ADHD, and for educating those who are closest to you about ADHD. People are usually willing to work with you if they know what’s going on.

Develop systems, strategies, and accountability. Systems and strategies make dealing with ADHD easier and accountability makes sure you use the systems and strategies you develop. This is work best done with the help of a coach. This is their area of expertise!

Make time for the people you care about. Relationships will literally die if you don’t make time for them. Make sure that you connect with the people closest to you regularly. (Hint – you could develop a system for this!)

If you would like to learn more about how to develop systems and strategies to encourage and strengthen relationships contact me.

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