Life Coaching with Tereasa Jones - Navigate the World of Relationships

Life Coaching with Tereasa Jones - Navigate the World of Relationships

Tereasa Jones
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Take Time to Think

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Thinking Time-01

 

You schedule time to work.
You make time to go grocery shopping.
Even during the busiest times of the year, you manage to find time to watch television.
Everything you do has found its way into your daily routine, from getting dressed to eating dinner.

But when did you last take time to just think?

“Why do I need thinking time?” you might ask. Well, quite literally, to think! Life is lived at such a pace today that thinkingquality, intentional thinkingdoesn’t just happen. Or, if you are like me, it happens at night when I’m finally still, the house is quiet, and most people are sleeping. Suddenly, my brain goes crazy and I feel bombarded with thoughts! I do everything I can think of to shut off those thoughts so I can catch a few hours of sleep. It rarely works. I wonder, though, if I could get more sleep at night if I were to schedule in some thinking time during the day. Interesting thought!    

My quest to understand this thinking thing has been a little frustrating. When I try to find something written about thinking, it is usually about meditating or leadership or rather purposeful thinking. I’m more interested in the kind of thinking that frees your mind, the kind that will allow creative thoughts in. The kind that encourages curiosity. The kind that will cause you to ponder for a while. The kind that perhaps you remember having as a child when you hadn’t a care in the world. (I’m sure plenty of us remember daydreaming while watching the clouds float through the sky. Maybe we should revisit our childlike tendencies more often!)

As I thought about thinking, I began to wonder whether it would help to have a designated spot to think. There is a book that I haven’t read, but whose title I love. It is named “Find a Quiet Corner.” Somehow, I like the idea of having a particular spota quiet cornerto go to when I want to think. I’ve tried various spots for my thinking time, but it turns out my spot isn’t really a spot at all! It is nature. I do my best thinking when I am free from the confines of walls and doors. I sometimes sit on my front porch, other times on my patio. Sometimes I stroll down to the neighborhood lake and sit on the dock. I feel at peace at these times.

You might wonder what I think about. It wouldn’t be terribly exciting to you. It’s not terribly exciting to me usually, but it sort of clears my head of the daily clutter that piles up. You know the stuff: errands to run, housework to do, projects to complete, groceries to buy, deadlines to meet. Not to mention all of the what-am-I-going-to-do-about-this-or-that kinds of thoughts. When I am outside in nature I can just let all of that go. When I let it go, the most amazing things sometime happen. They usually don’t happen right then while I’m thinking, but they tend to manifest later. Creative ideas come more easily. With little effort, ideas for the direction I want to go in my practice (or in my community, or with my family) start to show up. Ideas start to grow and plans start to formulate about what I want in these key areas of my life.

I have come to the conclusion that if we would all take more time to think, we would find that some of the worries we have might just fade away. Our minds would be still and we would be able to see more clearly. We might come up with solutions to problems where others have failed. Most of all, we would get to know ourselves again. We might even like the people we become! We would most likely grow to appreciate more and to be less disgruntled.

If any of this is making sense to you (and I hope it is!) ask yourself these questions:

  • Do I have my own “quiet corner?”
  • If not, where would my quiet corner be?
  • Where do I feel the most free?
  • Where do I feel the weight of the world being lifted from my shoulders?
  • How often do I go there?
  • What would happen if I were to go there more often?

If you still have trouble getting to your quiet corner, consider scheduling in the time for thinking each day. Ask yourself:

  • How much time do I want to spend thinking?
  • What time of day do I do my best thinking?
  • How often do I want to visit my thinking spot?
  • Is it outside or inside?

I have asked several of my clients to come along this thinking journey with me. Of the ones who have chosen to do so, the reports are positive. They are finding reduced stress, more creative solutions, increased productivity, and a general quieting of their spirits. Why not give it a shot? There isn’t much to lose and there could be so much to gain. Take time for your thoughts and you’ll change your life!

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Also posted in Time management | Leave a comment

Simple Steps for Overcoming Anxiety

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Anxiety Title-01

 

Feeling anxious?

You aren’t alone.

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental disorder in the United States, affecting approximately 40 million adults. This is approximately 18% of our population.

It seems that many of my clients are currently dealing with anxiety. Many of them are at the point where they are having difficulty sleeping and staying focused while running very low on energy. We live in a fast-paced world which doesn’t show signs of slowing down anytime soon. With that in mind, I think it would be prudent to understand a little bit about how anxiety works and what we can do about it.

Some cases of anxiety are due to our individual wiring. Certain chemicals in our brains may not function properly. These cases may need medication to help stabilize them. However, any case of anxiety can be improved by changes in lifestyle. Anxiety is created in us when we feel powerless and like we have no control over the things in our lives. The truth is that there really are some areas of our lives that are beyond our control. With that being said, there are still things that are within our control. The problems with anxiety get bigger when we choose to focus on those things that we can’t control and ignore the things that we can control.

So, what things can you control?

  • What you eat (caffeine and sugar can contribute to anxiety)
  • Whether or not to exercise
  • De-cluttering your environment (clutter causes anxiety)
  • Your morning and bedtime routine
  • How you spend your free time (or even giving yourself permission to have free time)
  • Your attitude

Sounds simple doesn’t it? Well, it is simple. But it isn’t easy. My recommendation would be to tackle one thing on this list at a time. Perhaps you could make a plan to work on one item per week. You will be amazed what a few small behavioral and environmental changes can accomplish!

  • Make a commitment to eat more whole foods and cut down on caffeine and sugar. You might be surprised at the effect this would have on your anxiety. Of course, it takes a bit of planning. You will need to go to the grocery store and buy the foods that nourish your body. You might need to look up some recipes first and make a grocery list. If you find yourself getting stressed at the store, consider planning out your trip to avoid the tyranny of the endless.
  • Add exercise to your routine. You don’t need to join a gym if that isn’t part of your plan. You might just commit to walking briskly for 30 minutes 5 days per week. After a few weeks you will notice that you are sleeping better and handling all around stress better, which means that you have reduced your level of anxiety.
  • De-cluttering your environment will really pay off in reducing free floating anxiety (the kind where you feel anxious, but can’t figure out why). May I suggest a body-double? A body-double is a person who sits with you while you clean and organize your home or office. As crazy as this might sound, it really works! Your body-double can provide company while also keeping you focused on your task.
  • Morning and bedtime routines are invaluable. Successful mornings begin with a good bedtime routine the night before and successful days are dependent upon a good morning routine. Be sure to plan for tomorrow before you go to bed tonight. Otherwise, you may lie awake thinking about your to-do list instead of relaxing and falling asleep.
  • Nobody can work all the time. You need to have free time to rejuvenate and replenish. Decide to only check your work email account during working hours and use the rest of your day to pursue a hobby, spend time with friends and family, or simply relax. I would also suggest that you not skimp on your lunch time. It is a mid-day break and a good time to refresh yourself. Again, use your lunch time to fuel your body with wholesome foods to help you power through the afternoon.
  • Attitude is perhaps the most important thing in determining your emotional well-being. We may not be able to control everything that comes into our world, but we can determine how we will respond to it. Be mindful of your choices and choose to respond positively rather than react negatively. Be proactive with your attitude; don’t wait for something great to happen before you allow yourself to be happy.

This list is by no means complete, but it is a great place to begin. You should examine your own environment and habits to find anxiety “pressure points” that need to be eliminated. If you would like to set up a personal consultation to discuss how you can overcome your struggle with anxiety, please contact me today!

Anxiety is hard. It makes everything seem bigger than life. In order to free yourself of anxiety, you will need to take action. Taking at least one of these steps in the next few days will get you off to a good start.

Let me know your results by commenting below! I would love to hear how your burden of anxiety lifts as you make deliberate choices to overcome it.

 

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Also posted in ADD/ADHD, Life Coaching | Tagged | Leave a comment

Shiny New Objects: 5 Questions to Ask Before Moving On

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Shiny Title with Bubbles-01

 

Many of my clients have difficulty moving forward because they switch gears and start working on another project that might be interesting, but do nothing to further their current project. Changing personal paths too often can be dangerous enough, but it becomes even more worrisome with entrepreneurs. The term “Shiny New Object Syndrome” has been coined for this tendency. While anyone can fall prey to the shiny new object syndrome, it almost always rears its head with my clients who have ADHD.

Case in point: I have a client (let’s call him Fred) who has just now started reaching the goals he set for himself several years ago in his business. However, on our call this week he told me that he is completely changing direction. He realizes that while he will have to reeducate clients (and will likely lose some in the process) he feels that this is the only way to go. Now, understand that his business is doing fine. It could use some tweaking here and there but, overall, he has finally reached some of his original goals and is on his way to reaching more. Understandably, I began to wonder what in the world was happening.

Then it hit me.

Every time he approaches reaching goals he turns his attention elsewhere. He reinvents himself. Why would he do that? Could it be that he is afraid of success? Afraid of failure? Or, maybe his current situation becomes just plain boring. Changing directions does hold promise for new experiences, new people, and plenty of mental stimulation. But if he constantly reinvents himself, he is also sacrificing stability, growth, and the financial ability and time to pursue personal goals and hobbies.

Face it: it’s appealing to chase the enthusiasm that a new project brings. The question that we have to ask is, “Is it worth it?” With this (as with everything in life) when we say “yes” to something we are saying “no” to something else. I left my client with these things to mull over this week. It will be interesting to see which direction he chooses.

If you are tempted to chase shiny new objects, stop for just a moment to ask yourself these questions:

1. Is this the right thing for me?
2. Is this the right time?
3. What are the costs in terms of time, money, and stability?
4. Am I just bored? If so, is there another way to get my need for excitement satisfied?
5. What am I saying “no” to if I say “yes” to this?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with changing directions if it is in your best interest to do so. But when it becomes a pattern, perhaps a little discretion is in order.

Have you ever chased after something shiny instead of following through with your current goals? We’ve all been there, so share your stories in the comments!

 

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Also posted in ADD/ADHD, Decision Management | Leave a comment

Five Tips to Improve Your Relationships

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group on the porch

With or without ADHD people need help with relationships.  But those with ADHD need a little “extra” help.  The tips below have come from working with people with ADHD for many years.  I think they will help you too!

Educate yourself.  Know how ADHD shows up for you.  This allows you to develop strategies to minimize the impact of ADHD on your relationship.
Get help. Help can be in the form of medication, counseling, coaching or nutritional changes.  Most likely it will be a combination of two or more of these.  Without help it is nearly impossible to develop strategies to flourish in relationships.

Take responsibility.  Don’t play the blame game.  Take responsibility for your decisions, your actions, your ADHD, and for educating those who are closest to you about ADHD.  People are usually willing to work with you if they know what’s going on.

Develop systems, strategies, and accountability.  Systems and strategies make dealing with ADHD easier and accountability makes sure you use the systems and strategies you develop.  This is work best done with the help of a coach.  This is their area of expertise!

Make time for the people you care about.  Relationships will literally die if you don’t make time for them.  Make sure that you connect with the people closest to you regularly.  (Hint – you could develop a system for this!)

If you would like to learn more about how to develop systems and strategies to encourage and strengthen relationships contact me.

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Also posted in ADD/ADHD, Communication, Friends, Relationships, Relationships | Leave a comment
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